How to build a network when you hate networking
Fashion events can often feel like intimidating spaces, particularly for introverts. Here's the advice of a few industry friends.
By Joe Bobowicz
“The beauty of the fashion world is its predilection for socialising,” says Catherine Hayward, an esteemed fashion editor of three decades. As it happens, I first met Hayward a month ago when I was seated next to her at a brand dinner for British knitwear label, Peregrine. She was palpably pleased to be there and, with tact, quizzed me on my life and relationship to fashion. Technically, she was networking, but in reality, it felt like a natural, if not enjoyable, learning experience between two industry peers.
Notably, Hayward did all this without once appearing uncomfortable or transactional, two elements that make the very concept of networking terrifying for introverts and socially awkward people (cough, cough). Beneath that cool facade, however, Hayward knows that just making conversation is easier said than done. “Walking into a room when you don’t know anyone is nerve-racking – even for sociable extroverts,” she says. Her approach is one of reframing the situation. Rather than understanding “networking” as a harried set of encounters akin to speed dating, she treats every dinner invitation as a unique opportunity to hear exciting anecdotes and funny stories. “Networking is just a poncey word for meeting people,” she says.
Hayward advises making use of the host or PR to give you a lowdown on who’s who, or to simply introduce you to fellow guests. If you’re lucky enough to know who is attending beforehand, she suggests doing a little research. “I’m always flattered if someone asks me a specific question about my work or personal circumstances,” Hayward says. “It means they’ve bothered to look me up, so I like to return the compliment – especially if it’s someone I hope to work with in the future.”
The socially guarded amongst you might be thinking that Hayward is a natural, that it all comes so easy. Wrong. These are skills everyone needs to hone. Even shy girls can learn to switch on the charm. “I consider myself introverted, but I’m extroverted when I need to be,” says Izzy Van Dyke, a life and style writer at Dazed. Since breaking into the industry after graduating during the pandemic – “the start of my career was mostly online” – Van Dyke has found ways to manage the inevitability of in-person events. “Go to the events that sound fun to you, that you want to go to,” she says. Her reasoning is simple: if you don’t want to be there, you won’t want to talk to anyone anyway. That selectivity is also part and parcel of recognising what works for her. For example, in a group of extroverts, she shrinks, but when surrounded by other introverts, she comes out of her shell. The takeaway? Lean towards your people.